A Medical Rant. Beware.

Susannah is doing better than ever, yet every time I take her to the urologist we get crappy news. News that makes me want to pull my hair out or strangle someone or both. Today's sonogram--which we spent two hours waiting for--shows that her kidneys are pretty much as swollen as they were before the stents were put in over two weeks ago.

So we continue to play the why-aren't-her kidneys-draining game, which we have been playing for, let's see, 15 months now? Today the doctor tells me he thinks he saw some debris in the ureters, which could mean a fungal infection, which sometimes happens when you have foreign objects (aka stents) in your body. If it is indeed a fungal infection, she'll need oral antibiotics, but sometimes oral antibiotics don't work, in which case they resort to IV antibiotics. Which means that Susannah could be hospitalized for a few days or even up to a week for a round of IV antibiotics for an infection she contracted due to a completely WORTHLESS procedure.

And this is the point where I'd like to begin screaming. Only I don't want to wake the baby or have my neighbors call 911.

Instead I get to wait until Thursday. That's when the urine culture results are supposed to be ready. If she is growing something, it will take even a few more days to know how to treat it.

In the meantime, I am trying to figure out if I am going to go back to Sarah Lawrence for one class this semester. I'm signed up for a Wednesday workshop and I'm supposed to be looking for a regular babysitter. After all, Susannah looks better than ever. Her appetite, her energy level, her physical development are all very good as everyone who has seen her lately knows. After today, I am doubting if going to school is a good idea. What if a week from now, Susannah has to have these IV antibiotics and is back in the hospital? What if the next three months are like the past three months with all the procedures and appointments? What if she just has stretched kidney system and I spend the next 10 years of my life taking her to doctors to be monitored, getting stressed about scenarios that could occur but never do?

I'm. Going. Crazy.

But first, Things to Be Positive About:

1. Aunt Anne Louise came to the hospital for today's marathon, which began when we left the apt. at 9 am and ended when we got home at 5 pm. She kept me and S in good spirits as S was poked with a needle (for bloodwork), drained with a catheter (for urine culture), and smeared with gel (for ultrasound). Thank you Aunt A-Lo; we needed you.

2. The nephrologist (kidney function doctor) thought Susannah looked "fabulous." Her sodium and potassium and creatinine levels have all been stable throughout the spring and summer. She's showing no signs of kidney damage.

3. Susannah is not and has not behaved like a sick child for many weeks now. Lately, when you ask her what noise a pig makes, she can get very pensive and then make this gentle gutteral sound with her throat. She's got a pretty good downward dog, too.

Now, some post-vent photos from the tot-lot:


















































The Pop-eye face



















Peek-a-boo with dad